A morning meeting February 1, 2005

Practical Work On Self, PWOS

This morning there was a meeting. You know, one of those meetings where you need to get something across to someone. It had been tried one on one, then with a couple of people, and not just once. Nobody really was looking forward to it. But it simply had become necessary.

Have you ever been in such a meeting? I have, but this one was not called because of me .....

Practical Work on Self, well, look at it. It says PRACTICAL. What do YOU think that MEANS? It says WORK, well, does that imply comfort, leisure, painless and easy? And then that SELF, guess what, it does NOT mean others.

Why work on yourself? Well, you tell me why YOU are doing this.

One of the hardest things to see about yourself is your very structure you are being, and, manifesting to those around you. It's where your blind spots are. They are called blind spots because they are hidden and invisible to you. That is, YOU are blind to them. Usually you are the only one who can't see them. Everyone else around you can, as they are at the effect of them.

Oh, you thought just because we are here, "stuff" does not come up...think again. We here need to do PWOS just like you.
Needing or wanting to work on self does not imply you or we are bad or worthless. Just that in order to do certain things, you've got to be able to be a certain way, which includes having tamed your animal, rather than letting it wreak havoc in your surroundings. And, even if the "grosser" things have been addressed, then it's time for the refinement. Prior to that, frankly, you can't even see the finer points. Just play Diablo® for a while and find out for yourself...

One of the reasons meetings in groups are so valuable is because you get to hear from others about those things you can't see. It's not just ONE person....No, they are ALL out to get you...(the last part was a joke, unless you are totally paranoid)

EJ joined us during the latter part of the meeting. As you know, he can put a humorous touch on everything.

You DO have to be willing to believe its true what you are being told. That can be tricky.
So someone tells you something about you that you don't see, agree with or that is unpleasant and furthermore, makes you feel like a piece of DooDoo. You shrug your shoulders and you think..it's only him/her saying it, what does he/she know? So then another person, a friend of the first, tells you the same thing. OH? So they got together yesterday and conspired. Well, next day, someone else, someone who is not their friend, tells you the same thing about you, well, maybe not EXACTLY the same, but basically it fits. Now you wonder: How did he/she know what the other two were thinking? ...it could go on, even if say 14 people tell you essentially the same thing, well, .......

Point being, you have to at least be willing to believe that POSSIBLY it's true.
Maybe it's not. But maybe it is, because it usually involves your blind spots. And truely, sometimes you can't remember or come up with a single example of what they mean. Instead you come away with thinking you are all bad, or useless or incapable or "fillintheblank", wanting to hide or better, simply just leave, as they'd be way better off without you, feeling so bad that you can barely stand it and death seems like the best alterative.

We here all have been there, felt like that.

"If you die with lessons unlearned, you will repeat the grade. Not like in American classrooms, where you get passed to the next grade anyway.. No, it will be the same life until you have learned how to handle it. You are going to keep doing it until you get it right.. It's like when you are learning the part of a play, if there is a part you just aren't getting, if you don't have that part down, we can't go on with the play.. And you really don't WANT to keep doing the same thing although it might be comfortable because you are so familiar with it", said EJ.

He then demonstrated and played the musical scale on the flute, with a wrong note at the end. The designated music teacher then told him, well, there is a wrong note there at the end....at which point EJ demonstrated a dejected whiny selfpitying attitude, saying in a crying voice: But this is the only way I know how to play...snieff. (we all had to laugh...)

Well, learn another way.

"Think of your Human Biological Maschine as an instrument you are learning to play. You have played that instrument for many years.
Learn to play another way."

At which point do you stop learning? Till I die, someone said. No, just because you are dead is not a reason to stop learning.

It is helpful and often necessary to get practical actual examples of what people mean and what you can do to change, learn a different way of being.
IF that is want you want to do. (This reminds me of a joke, or rather, a riddle. How may psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb????
Only one, but the lightbulb really has to want to change, hehe).
You then practice. One step at a time. One thing at a time.
There is pain involved here.
Without necessity, why would you do it?

Real change takes a lot of repetition. After all, it took you HOW many years of this life (as well as stuctures you already were born with) to get to how you are today? How quickly can you even expect real change to happen? Figure it will take as many repetitions as you needed to establish the existing habits.
Good thing we have eternity then, ehh? (No, I am not Canadian, I just think it's funny that they put this question at the end of a phrase, like they are never sure of anything. So, it's hot outside today, they would say...Hot day, ehh??)

Believe me, it feels sooo slow, you start thinking it will take forever, or worse, that you really can't change at all.
The learning curve is not like a gentle rolling hill by the time you get to this point, more like a steep cliff. Like it took you 3 days to get to base camp and you are already feeling exhausted. THEN you see the enormous mountain to climb.

One day at a time, one step at a time, and if people around you did not tell you examples..ask them to give you practical examples. Also specific suggestions as to where the practice might start. When you finally see what they mean, you've reached base camp.
Like someone said to me some time ago: "...ask what change is possible...?
So what CAN you do? Once you can answer that, do it.

Photos and text by Christiane Wolters.

For more photos, click here.